i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
My penis needs a shock collar
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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