so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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