is your mom at the bar?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
