This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
