I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
