That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
