this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
