is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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