...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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