Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
from now on my penis is your penis
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
