Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she looked like the before picture.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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