Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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