Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
