I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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