apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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