My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
