I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
