We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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