I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize