Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
