I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
