I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have post one night stand depression
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
