I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
