i don't like sucking hair
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
