Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
