Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
