I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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