I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize