my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
