How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
