Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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