you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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