Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
