I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
