I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
