You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
