Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
