so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
