i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
