She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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