ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So much Jack, so little girl.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize