She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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