We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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