that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
