Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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