Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize