can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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