I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
