and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize