he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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