Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
