My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
