your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
