I hate your face
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize