I think i peed on brittanys purse
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
