did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
