yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
