I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
