Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
