I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
