everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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