youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
