So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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