You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
