I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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