dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
