She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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