My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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