I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize