have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
