I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
