Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
