Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
