Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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