so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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