After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
