just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He passed out mid-signature
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
